Howard Markman Ph.D., Professor of Psychology and Head of the Family and Family Learning Center of the University of Denver, says "The quality of pre-marriage dialogue is one of the best signs of future marriages." Why is this so?
You see, in every marriage, the personal differences between the spouses are necessarily emerging. No differences matter, it matters how these differences are handled and resolved. The correct solution to the differences requires good communication skills. In order to develop such skills, we must understand that miscommunication is the first to emerge.
Communication of the Mission Occurs
Good communication is where all the communication elements of the loudspeaker are received by the student in the same way. Elements of (oral) communication:
o Motive or intent
o Non-language expressions (voice and volume, smile, laughter, crying, verbal sounds, etc.)
o Physical expressions (facial expression, eye appearance, body language, posture, etc.)
o Language terms (what they say, what they are saying and what they do not say)
All four elements together form the meaning of communication. A good communicator is able to transmit all four elements equally, so that the host can understand exactly the same. I mean not only understanding the meaning of spoken words, but, more importantly, understanding of intent was understood by the loudspeaker. A true incident illustrates the significant difference between the words and intentions of the speakers. A husband told his wife about a certain question: "They are too complacent about this." Her husband meant that her wife had not done enough and had to do more. But when the wife heard the word "smug", she interpreted it as "lazy" and meant her husband accused her of laziness and did nothing. As a result, he was painful and angry. You see? Good communication when the speaker means that the student understands the student in the same way. If this does not happen, there is a misunderstanding. So do what's needed for your spouse to know exactly what it means. If you need to use alternative communication methods (such as Writing) to clarify speech, do so. In addition, we need to remove some common communication blockers
Some of these blocking blocks are listed in the following categories:
No good communication is needed anymore than conflict or argument. These exercises are blockers of communication that spoil the arguments:
o The past should be raised in arguments.
o To say, "I'm sorry."
o Takes responsibility to your spouse and always needs to be right
o Conflicts last for days or weeks.
o We tend to react too much with shouting, crying, or leaving the house.
o You want to win every argument, you can not find a solution.
o Hard to wait until your spouse completed the conversation before speaking
o You become defensive when your spouse raises the criticism.
When arguments warm up, communication is confused.
o You are willing to laugh or ridicule your spouse and is generally disrespectful to him or her.
o The spouse is disturbed by how he annoys him.
o You are too stupid, without taking into account your spouse's feelings. If your spouse knows nothing about the subject, let him know.
Nobody likes to communicate with a sarcastic man. So if you are, your spouse can communicate with you.
o You always talk about the negative side of things. This prevents communication because your spouse does not want to continue the conversation with you, spiced with your pessimism.
o You hold your feelings in Magadon and you feel that your secrets are ok.
o You are scared that sharing the most personal thoughts with your spouse allows you to abuse them (for example, sharing with others).
o You feel that your spouse needs to know what he wants without saying it. That's why you do not often say what you think or feel
o Avoiding conflicts by turning emotions off.
These poor habits break communication and thus protect themselves from their spouse. The elimination of negative communication blockers must be complemented by the positive elements of good communication. What are those?
Good communication not only means talking clearly but effectively listening. What does effective listening mean?
first Good eye contact. The eyes are the window to the soul. It is possible to know the eye with intent and degree of sincerity. So when you hear it, look at the spouse in your eyes as you speak.
Humility is without prejudice, without any preconceived notions or judgments. Do not assume that you know what your spouse is saying, even if he says what he has heard before. Repetition on its part simply means that the question in question is still bothering him. Allow your spouse to finish the conversation without interrupting it.
3rd Listen to what they are talking about, including the feelings behind the words. Do not filter out a part of the sentences or say the sentences. Do not dream or dive. Do not count what you are going to say and begin to try your answer in your mind while your spouse is still talking
4. As your spouse is talking, put yourself in the position. Empathize and try to feel how it feels. Understand not only the meaning of spoken words but the feelings your spouse experiences. Observe spoken and non-spoken terms. This will allow you to accurately understand what you are doing.
Good communication is so vital to any marriage relationship. There are many conflicts arising from misunderstanding and misunderstanding. Therefore, cultivating good communication skills is a long way to overcoming conflicts and ultimately ensuring a successful marriage.
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