6 ways to communicate with the teenager

How do you want to get in touch with your teenager?

The ability to communicate effectively with your teenager is one of the most valuable skills you can develop to achieve this goal.

When thinking about communication, we tend to think about how we can express ourselves. This is certainly important, but listening is one of the most important in all communication skills.

As a teenage teen boy I know it's not always easy to communicate well with your teenager.

Especially frustrating when they do not talk to you. When, however, I began to apply these techniques to our lives, we found that almost immediately we started to improve. There was less controversy between us and our relationship strengthened.

first Make your teen the focus

Give the teenager full attention. I know this is a difficulty because we are usually so busy. It looks like there's always more work to do. However, it is important to clearly tell you that you are trying to stop what you are doing and actually listen to the teenager (not just hear them).

When you give the teenager the special attention, they will know that they care about them because they spend time listening to them and increasing the chances of listening to you.

2nd Get the Details

Listen to what the teen says. Teens are inclined to answer questions without the important details. You
are in for you to be able to open them and draw them into a conversation.

Here's an example:

Teen: "I hate the teacher!"

Parent: "Oh you do not really understand!"

Teen: "Yes, yes, I hate her two!"

Parent: "Well, I do not want to hear that sound, I'm sure you do not hate her!"

Teen: "Yes, I'll do this, I hate all the teachers!"

Parent: "Do you think your teacher's hate will get a good signal?"

And in the debate and in the debate …

Here's an alternative:

Teen: "I hate the teacher!"

Parent: "Wow, you do not usually hate anyone.

Teen:" A couple of kids have not finished their homework today, so she decided to punish us all and give us a math test tomorrow! "

Parent:" It does not sound really honest! "

Teen:" No, this is not fair at all. I wanted to go to Rachel tonight to hang and listen to music. ! "

Parent: just listening …….

This teenager was able to express himself and felt his mother confirmed.

You will notice that the parent did not ask the emotions of the teen You did not have to agree with the teen's emotions, you only recognize them, there is no such bad feeling that we can not help the feelings of our children, but we limit our behavior and do not conform to the proper behavior.

Expression of emotions is a healthy thing, that the negative manifestations of emotions should be avoided, such as screaming or calling, using the time zones – to wait and continue the conversation when everyone is relaxed

3. Open Questions

Questions can be crucial to teens. to answer a "yes" or a "no".

For example, in the above scenario, paren Did not know the teenager: "What could you do to help Teacher to change her body? "
Tini:" I'm not sure this guy is so stubborn! "
Parent:" If you talked and came up with a better way to deal with the kids who did not do it the homework? "
Teen:" Mmhhh, maybe I could try …? "

If you want to see a change in the attitude of a teenager, use the" when … I feel … because. .. I need this sentence … This formulation (the "I" message) does not attack your teen's personality, it only speaks about acting and you like it and why.

Here's a scenario that you can refer to: We did not do homework, and the teenager left. This example is not the best way to communicate if you attack them as a person and make statements that you can not stay.

Parent: "You did not do your job, it's a lazy slob! You never do your homework and I always have to do it for you. "
Tini: You feel pretty bad …

Here is an example of using the following: when … I feel … because … I Need It – Technique:

Parent: "If you did not do your homework before I went out, I felt very crazy.
your home work or you've been jammed. "
Teen: Thinking -" I Think It Makes Me "

Remember When You Begin the Word (19459003):" You Are Such … "You Are Not Communicating With Criticism

5. Let the Consequence Fit to Action

A rather big problem with which parents get in is finding the right punishment for broken rules, but the sanction applied is generally not related to teen action. As a parent, we must show teens that all choices have consequences

Parents tend to punish teenagers if they lose something from adolescents, for example, for a week without a TV, a laundered laundry, if the punishment is based on the natural relationship between action and punishment, it would have a good impact on the teenager's development. to show the consequences of his steps in this case, the teenager will be housework as well the next time because of d this time. When you follow this step, you practice practically "quiet communication" with the teenager. If a teenager experiences the natural consequence of her activity, she speaks louder than any word.
Shows them that they will be held accountable to them.

As a teenager, parents have more privileges. It is important for them to realize that extra freedom involves more responsibilities with it.

6th Descriptive Praise

We all praise our teenager. Say to them, "You're a smart kid," or "You're a good pianist." We understand it well, but unfortunately this kind of praise does not have the desired effect on the teenager's feeling good. Why is that? This is because we do what we do to appreciate their actions. With this praise, we
do not provide any evidence to support our demands, and this visa is dropped and seems empty and convincing.

We need to detail what they are doing, and when your tinship recognizes the truth in your words, you can evaluate your actions and attract yourself.

Here's an example (appreciation praise):

Teen: "Hey Today, I got a 90 on my geometric test!"

Parent: "Fantastic, you're a genius!"

Teenager: Thinking – "I wish I could, because Paul helped me learn." 19659002] Descriptive Praise:

Teen: "Hey Today, I got a 90 on my geometric test!"

Teen: Thinking – "I can really do geometry when I'm working on it!"

Teenager's description of activity, not
is a lightweight " good "or" great "or" slow learner "or" scattering "is not easy to do first because we are all unusual. teenage action and words that you see will be easier and you will be more and more happy to do.

Adolescents need an emotional
diet that helps them
independent creative thinkers and actors, so
does not consider approving each other any time
With this praise teenagers trust , and you do not have everyone else's opinion to tell them how to do it.

Another challenging problem is when and how to criticize teenagers. Instead of pointing to the wrong things to do, try to explain what is right and what you need to do.

Example: Teen did not do her clothes yet.

Parent: "How does the laundry come?

Tini:" I work on it. "

Parent:" I see you picked up your clothes in your room and in the family room in the barrier. You are halfway. "

This parent speaks with encouragement, acknowledging everything that has happened and not pointing to what has not yet happened

" Parents need to fill a child's bucket with self-esteem so high that the rest of the world it does not get enough holes to dry out. "

– xxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxxx

With more useful information and examples of good communication with my children, we strongly recommend the book Adele Faber & Elaine Mazlish: How can we talk so that the kids listen and listen to it so they will talk
Publisher: Harper, ISBN: 0380811960.

Also in Autumn 2005 a new teen version –
ISBN: 0060741252.
Watch it!


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